I have holes in my gym shoes.
I have two beautiful children.
I have a wonderful life mate.
I have a beautiful home.
I have closets full of shoes, some never worn.
I have new clothes with the tags still on them.
I have handbags I have carried once.
I am grateful for them all.
I have holes in my gym shoes.

So why do I have holes in my gym shoes?
Good question.
Am I being cheap, lazy, indecisive?
Is it an unconscious middle finger to self care?
I don’t know.
All of those things?
None of those things?
Some of those things?

Priorities.  Reevaluate every so often.


Shiny. Happy... Fuck that...Hell no.

WARNING: Rant and language alert! Yep...fucking get over it. Oh, and a lot of  'negativity'!

Finally! A new reason to use this piece of shit useless space. Yep. I used to love writing in this space.  So what happened?

I took a fucking blogging class. A class, put on by one of the (at the time) most popular bloggers on the internet. I was so pumped,  I was ready to learn how to make my space in this wonderful world of make believe pretty and desirable, and fun, and informative and... all those fucking stupid things that people on the internet (the whole world) require to make their beautiful world complete. Well, the opposite occurred, I got discouraged, because there a a whole bunch of people out there doing the same thing. And guess what? They are better at it, have more resources, money, talent, a better education, are more intelligent, have a better story, etc... Granted, I know most of this is not true, but it doesn't keep those gremlins out of my head and that's all I went home with. You are inferior.

So I quit. I'm a quitter. Yep. So what. Fuck your judgement.

Moving on, not in succession, but on another note. I'm gonna sell real estate. Oh fuck yeah! I passed the test. What me? I passed a state licensing test? Wow. This MUST be my calling. I took classes, learned everything I could about selling homes to wonderful people, I took interior design in college ( another lost attempt at success) so this must be for me, etc...blah blah blah... It was fine for a while. But there are a shit ton of people in the real estate world who are horrible, abhorrent people, people I have never come across in any other field. I got burn out,  couldn't care less about selling some overpriced piece of shit house, to Mr and Mrs Asshole,  and became just another person who passed the real estate exam.

So I quit. I'm a quitter. Yep. I feel your disdain. Tough shit.

I have moved through a few 'career' choices since, none really successful, but much less aggravating than the above mentioned frustrations.

I felt that same shit creeping up on me in a current self awareness venture I am participating in. I hear you, you idiot. Same old shit...'Fuck these people, they are better than you, have more money than you, are more attractive than you'. 'This is bullshit...this good shit doesn't happen to people. Your life will never shift into anything other than what it is now'.

I have learned that I am a creative person. I need that for motivation, but that doesn't satisfy that fucking asshole in my head. She is the MOST frustrating person I have ever met. Worse than the abhorrent real estate fuckers. She has gotten in my way most of my life. Fuck her, I'm done with her.

So I quit. I'm gonna get her out of my head and send her on her miserable fucking way.


I'm sick of talking about food, so I'm going to talk about it some more.

Food has become a controversial subject. We are bombarded daily with severely mixed messages about how to eat it, treat it and talk about it. It causes disagreements as heated as politics and no one ever agrees completely on how to consume it, prepare it or advocate it.

We need food to sustain us but are told not to covet it. We indulge in the beauty of creating marvelous meals, only to plop them on a scale to be scrutinized. Food is associated with eating disorders, obesity and allergies. It’s bad, it’s good, it’s what’s for dinner, it’s cutting out dinner and it’s exhausting if you let it be, but it is always a necessity. We must eat to continue to be viable human beings and so goes the perpetual battle of what to eat, how to eat it and what is the best health choice for our beautiful bodies.

I certainly don’t profess to have the bright and shiny answer, but I have walked this earth for quite a few years and have tried every eating philosophy around. I know that anyone who says their ‘diet’, or ‘program’ or juice or powder or pill is the only way you will ever be healthy, fit and happy is selling you a bill of goods.  Some are good, some are not so good and some are awful and dangerous, but not a single one of them works for everyone. That is simply impossible. Yes, we are all human, but our bodies do not all work the same. What works for one person could be lethal to another. Listen to your body, it will send you wonderful messages when it’s happy and unpleasant ones when it’s not.   

Eat healthy food, practice portion control, cut out processed foods and sugar (there are great substitutes) and listen to what your body tells you. If you feel good, you look good, and if you look good, you feel good.